Women's Insight

Posted By: Nancy
Date: Sunday, 10 September 2000, at 2:50 p.m.

Women's Insight
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. --- Dolly Parton
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. --- Erica Jong
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. --- Rita Rudner
I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done my job. --- Roseanne
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. --- Rita Rudner
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters. --- Susie Loucks
This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" --- Judy Tenuta
He tricked me into marrying him. He told me he was pregnant. -- Carol Leifer
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. --- Wendy Liebman
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth to. --- Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. --- Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. --- Roseanne
I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't. So I grew hair under my arms instead. --- Sue Kolinsky
I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park. --- Dolly Parton
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because it's cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know THAT? --- Wendy Liebman
"I think - therefore I'm single." --- Lizz Winstead
"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country." --- Elayne Boosler
"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch." --- Gilda Radner
"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." --- Maryon Pearson
"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed as an assistant professor. It is for a woman schlemiel to get as quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug
"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman." --- Margaret Thatcher
"If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary." --- Margaret Atwood
"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career." --- Gloria Steinem
"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." --- Gloria Steinem
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then." --- Katharine Hepburn
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night." --- Marie Corelli
"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." --- Baroness Edith Summerskill
"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?" --- Linda Ellerbee
"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." --- Zsa Zsa Gabor

 

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