Diagnosis

Posted By: kundry
Date: Thursday, 14 September 2000, at 6:52 p.m.

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I

guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a

computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and

cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the

computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do

about it. And it only costs $10.00."

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine

sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in

the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making

some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out

popped a small slip of paper which read:

1. You have tennis elbow.

2. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.

3. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and

how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if

this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed

together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine

samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into

the concoction.

He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the

sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual

noises, flashed its alights, and printed out the following analysis:

1. Your tap water is too hard.

2. Get a water softener.

3. Your dog has ringworm.

4. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

5. Your daughter is using cocaine.

6. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.

7. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a

lawyer.

8. And if you don't stop masturbating, your elbow will never get

better....

 

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