Tips for Going Outside

Posted By: Nancy
Date: Tuesday, 19 September 2000, at 6:48 p.m.

Face it, you're gonna have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go . . .OUTSIDE. Here's a guide:

1. Wear Pants - Countless attempts to better oneself have been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper attire.

2. Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but nobody will be impressed if you go by the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or "SATAN666." Names like "Steve" or "Greg" are just fine.

3. The Telephone is Your Friend - Hear that ringing sound? Pick up the phone. Now speak into it.

4. If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply Reboot It.

5. Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks Like Gillian Anderson.

6. Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone you disagree with to unclean primates will not win you friends. In fact, you may get into a physical fight. If so, the next tip may be of help.

7. That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to be confused with ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and hospitals.

Nancy

 

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