* You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

* I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

* Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

* Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

* The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

* I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

* Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

* I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

* I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

* What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

* I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

* I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

* I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

* It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

* Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

* No, my powers can only be used for good.

* How about never? Is never good for you?

* I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

* You sound reasonable... Time to up my medication.

* I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

* I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

* I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

* Who, me? I just wander from room to room.

* My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

* It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really
quite busy.